Joy Cannot Be Sought — It Can Only Be Found

(Part 1 of the MindTravel Series: The Journey to Joy)

This post is the beginning of a five-part exploration into the nature of joy — what it truly is, where it comes from, and how we can live in harmony with it. Each post builds on the last, deepening our understanding and offering ways to embody joy in everyday life. I invite you to return to this space in the coming weeks as we travel together through this unfolding journey.

There’s a beautiful line from Archbishop Desmond Tutu that I return to again and again:

“If you are setting out to be joyful, you will not end up being joyful.”

At first, it sounds almost paradoxical. Isn’t joy what we all want? Don’t we spend our lives — consciously or unconsciously — trying to find it? Yet the more we chase it, the more elusive it seems to become.

Joy, it turns out, doesn’t respond to pursuit. It unfolds when the conditions are right — much like flow.

When I think about the flow state — that sense of effortless presence we enter when playing music, walking in nature, or creating something from the heart — it’s clear that we can’t force it. We can only create the conditions that allow it to arise. Joy works in the same way.

We cannot command it, demand it, or manufacture it through external achievements. But when we bring awareness, gratitude, and openness into our lives, joy blooms naturally.

The Paradox of Pursuit

Think about the moments when you’ve felt the most joyful — when time seemed to dissolve, when you weren’t thinking about being happy at all. Maybe it was during a conversation with someone you love, or while watching the sun melt into the ocean.

You weren’t trying to be joyful. You were simply present.

That’s the paradox: the more we grasp at joy, the further it slips from reach. When we set out to “get joy,” we create tension — an inner striving that subtly reinforces the belief that joy is something out there, separate from us.

But joy isn’t something we find on the horizon. It’s already within us, waiting to be noticed.

The Outside-In Trap

We live in a culture that teaches us to measure joy in externals — the job title, the partner, the perfect home, the number in our bank account. There’s always another milestone to reach, another reason we tell ourselves we can’t be joyful yet.

This outside-in model of happiness is exhausting. It keeps us chasing mirages. Even when we achieve the thing we wanted, the feeling doesn’t last — because joy that depends on circumstances is always temporary.

The more we condition our joy on external factors, the more we train ourselves to believe that we are incomplete.

So the first invitation is to reverse the direction of attention: instead of looking out there for joy, we turn inward.

Creating the Conditions for Joy

If we can’t pursue joy directly, what can we do? We can prepare the ground for it.

Just as a musician tunes the instrument before playing, we can tune our awareness to the frequency of joy. That tuning happens through simple but profound practices — mindfulness, gratitude, and acceptance.

• Mindfulness helps us recognize the joy that’s already present in each moment. When we slow down enough to notice — the texture of sunlight on water, the sound of our breath, the warmth of a shared smile — joy arises spontaneously.

• Gratitude opens the heart. It transforms what we have into enough. When we give thanks, we shift from scarcity to abundance, and joy flows naturally from that space.

• Acceptance allows us to be at peace with what is, rather than constantly resisting life as it unfolds. It’s the soft landing that lets joy take root.

These qualities don’t create joy directly — they simply make space for it to appear.

The Flower and the Sun

Desmond Tutu once said that joy is like a flower: it blossoms because of other people. I love this image — not only because it evokes beauty, but because it reminds us that joy is relational.

A flower doesn’t bloom by willing itself to open; it responds to sunlight, to nourishment, to time. Likewise, joy unfolds when we open ourselves to connection — to others, to nature, to the present moment.

And like the sun, joy is always there, even when clouds obscure it. There are days when we can’t see or feel it, but that doesn’t mean it’s gone. It’s simply waiting behind the veil of our thoughts, ready to shine the moment we allow it.

The Practice of Allowing

This is where the deeper work begins — learning to allow joy instead of chasing it.

We allow joy by softening into the present moment without conditions. By not requiring life to be perfect before we let ourselves feel at peace.

The truth is, joy is less about adding anything to our lives and more about removing what blocks it — the endless comparisons, the inner criticisms, the belief that we are not enough.

When we release those layers, joy naturally emerges. It doesn’t need to be summoned. It’s already here.

A Musical Reflection

When I sit at the piano, I don’t try to make beautiful music. I simply listen — to what wants to come through, to what’s already present in the silence. And when I let go of expectation, something beautiful always does.

Joy works the same way. It’s not something we compose; it’s something we hear when we quiet down enough to listen.

Returning to Joy

So perhaps the real question isn’t how can I find joy? but rather what’s keeping me from noticing it?

Joy isn’t a prize at the end of the path. It is the path — the quality of being that emerges when we walk with awareness, gratitude, and love.

As we continue this series, we’ll explore the many dimensions of joy — how it grows through suffering, how it expands through compassion, and how it reveals itself in the ordinary beauty of daily life.

Until then, take a few quiet moments to notice:
What is joyful right now, in this breath, in this space, without needing anything to change?

You might find that joy was never missing — only waiting for your attention.

Coming Next: The Alchemy of Suffering — How Pain Opens the Door to Joy